Engagement ceremony: can the groom wear a tuxedo

Yes, you can, but it is usually not the natural fit for the occasion. The engagement ceremony is mainly a family rite held in daytime at the bride's home, so an áo dài or a smart suit usually suits the spirit better than a tuxedo, which is evening dress.

Why a tuxedo is a stretch here

The tuxedo was made for events after the afternoon: dinners, galas, balls. The black-tie convention belongs to the evening, to lamplight and the mood of a party. The engagement ceremony, by contrast:

• Takes place in daytime, usually morning or early afternoon.
• Is a family rite, with the presentation of gifts, handing over the trays and asking permission, so the air is solemn and familiar rather than glamorous.
• Brings two families together, and the older relatives on both sides usually wear áo dài or traditional dress.

A tuxedo with glossy satin lapels in that setting can feel too much like a party, however good the groom looks.

Áo dài or suit: the better fit

Two common choices:

1. Áo dài and khăn đóng: carries solemnity, follows custom and harmonises with the bride's and both mothers' áo dài. Many families choose matching or related tones for the groom's side.
2. A smart suit: navy, charcoal or black, notch lapel, white shirt, necktie or bow tie. Tidy, modern, easy to wear indoors and in the car.

A navy or charcoal suit suits daytime because natural light brings out those shades. For more on dressing for daytime, see what to wear to a daytime event.

When a tuxedo still works

A few situations where a tuxedo does not feel out of place:

• The ceremony is followed by an evening reception: the bride's family hosts a large dinner at a restaurant with stage and decoration; the tuxedo suits the evening.
• Both families agree on a modern concept: for example a European-style engagement, with the bride in an evening gown or a modernised dark áo dài.
• The groom prefers a softer tuxedo: midnight blue or grey rather than glossy black, with a less shiny lapel.

If you choose a tuxedo, lean towards restraint: shawl or slim peak lapel, matte cloth, little metallic detail, and a necktie instead of a hand-tied bow if you want it to feel less like formalwear. TUX-018, a midnight navy single-button tuxedo is a gentle direction to look at.

Coordinating with the bride's family

More important than the type of outfit is harmony between the two families.

• Ask first: message the bride or her family about what they plan to wear and the main colour of the day.
• Choose a related tone: if the bride's side wears red áo dài, the groom's side might choose deep blue or black; avoid clashing or overly bright colours.
• Match with the bride: the bride and groom should look well matched, not identical.
• Groomsmen and relatives: if you wear a suit, your father and male relatives should be at a similar level of formality, so no one wears áo dài while another wears everyday clothes.

When the bride wears a red áo dài, the groom in either áo dài or a suit is fine; what matters is that his outfit does not draw more attention than hers.

From engagement to wedding

Many grooms reuse the suit worn at the engagement for later meetings and photographs, and keep the tuxedo for the wedding. The pairing of áo dài for the ancestral rite with a tuxedo for the party is in áo dài for the ancestral rite, tuxedo for the party. For the wedding reception itself, see wedding tuxedos.

Book a fitting at Mon Amie

If you are unsure what to wear, tell the consultant the time of the ceremony, the venue and what the bride's family will wear, and they will advise a suit or a tuxedo to suit the occasion. Book a fitting at a showroom.