Black Tie for Women: What to Tell Your Partner Before the Event

For women, black tie means a floor-length evening gown, or an outfit of equal formality in dark, dressy cloth, finished with evening accessories. You do not need to master every rule of women's fashion. But if you understand the principles below, you can guide your partner without making her feel corrected, and the two of you will look as if you belong to the same evening.

A long gown is the standard; cocktail dress when the card allows it

A man's tuxedo goes with a woman's long dress. That is the familiar pair in the black tie dress code.

• Black tie: an evening gown to the ankle or the floor. Dressy separates, such as a formal top with a long skirt or wide-leg trousers in dark, formal cloth, are also accepted.
• Black tie optional: men may wear a tuxedo or a dark suit; women may wear a long gown or an elegant cocktail dress.
• Cocktail: a knee-length or below-the-knee dress, or silk trousers with an evening top.

Read the card carefully. If it says black tie exactly, choose the long gown. A cocktail dress is right only when the invitation says so. Our guide to what the black tie dress code means separates the levels clearly.

Fabrics and accessories for the evening

A few simple principles you can pass on.

Fabric. Silk, satin, crepe, chiffon, velvet, lace or dark tulle all work. Thin cotton, daytime floral prints or very short hems lack the feel of an evening gala.

Shoes and bag. Elegant heels, or polished flats if she needs comfort. A small clutch instead of a large handbag.

Jewellery. Choose one focal point among ears, neck and wrists rather than wearing everything at once. Metallic jewellery suits the evening but should agree with the colour of the dress.

A wrap. A silk shawl or light evening coat for moving between a cold room and the outdoors.

Hair and make-up. An updo, soft waves or neat loose hair all work. What matters is that it looks deliberate rather than hurried.

The ao dai at a black tie evening in Vietnam

The ao dai is entirely acceptable, even a natural fit, at black tie evenings in Vietnam, provided the cloth and styling reach evening standard. Some suggestions you can offer.

• A silk, brocade or velvet ao dai with fine embroidery or beading, rather than a printed office-style ao dai.
• Wide-leg silk trousers in a matching or lightly contrasting tone, with the panels falling near the ankle.
• A modernised cut with a low or boat neckline, three-quarter sleeves and a moderate fit, avoiding anything too sporty or as plain as a uniform ao dai.
• Deep colours such as midnight blue, burgundy, jade, black or bronze gold usually suit evening light.

When in doubt, a long gown remains the safe choice by international standards, while a beautiful ao dai gives a personal signature.

Matching your tuxedo

To coordinate does not mean to match. The simple rule is that two people look harmonious, not identical like a uniform.

Your tuxedo	Suggestion for her
Classic black	Almost any colour: red, emerald, champagne, silver, black, midnight blue
Midnight blue / navy	Champagne, silver, blush, mint, or burgundy tones
Ivory (dinner jacket)	Deep colours such as emerald, red, purple, black or bronze gold
Burgundy / jewel tones	Neutral tones such as black, champagne or dark moss green; avoid the same wine-red

Some further notes.

• Your pocket square or bow tie does not need to match her dress. Matching couples' colours was once common and is now considered slightly dated.
• If you wear a patterned or bold tuxedo, let her choose a plain dress, and vice versa.
• Ask her dress colour in advance to avoid clashing near-identical shades, such as both of you in wine red.

See pairing a tuxedo with your partner for more on pairing. TUX-043, in navy with a black satin shawl lapel, and TUX-026, in wine red with satin peak lapels, are two models that help you picture a couple.

How to mention it without imposing

Do not hand her a list of rules. Simply say: "The card says black tie, so a long dress would be lovely, and I will wear midnight blue." If she chooses an ao dai, compliment it and ask the colour so you can pick a bow tie to match. What matters is that you both arrive at ease.

A tailor's suggestion

Once your tuxedo is chosen, bring a photo or a swatch of her dress colour to the showroom so the consultant can suggest the bow tie, pocket square and shirt. Our dress code page sets out the levels so you can look them over together. Book a fitting at Mon Amie before the event so there is time for adjustments.